Okay, Diary.
If you can believe it, the most insane thing that happened today
wasn't that my brother, Bobby, did this.
I forgot to do a homework assignment for the first time ever.
- I wrote down the wrong date, Sasha! - Oh, my God.
I found out my ex-BFF, Jessica,
who totally ditched Sasha and me for Melissa...
- Cycle sisters. - Cycle sisters.
...was lying about having her period.
And right after I decide to keep Jessica's secret,
I found out Mami was keeping an even bigger one.
Wait, what?
Does anyone wanna tell me what's going on?
This is Sam.
We're, um... good friends.
- You told me you guys were dating. - "Dating"?
Yes, well, uh, it's important to be friends
with the person that you are, um... dating.
Yeah.
So, okay. This is Sam.
And this is my daughter, Elena.
Hi.
You whiffed that one, Ma.
My plan was to talk to you before you met Sam.
But you didn't.
And Bobby knew before me?
Also not my plan.
I'm so sorry
that you had to find out like this.
You must have a billion questions. Feel free to ask...
How do you even know him?
Well, we work together.
I kept accidentally eating his yogurt,
and then he sent me a cease and desist letter.
That's kinda cute.
But I'm not done.
Is he your boyfriend?
- Well, sounds weird to say... - That's a yes.
For how long?
Three months.
A full fiscal quarter?
I didn't want to introduce him to you unless I felt he was someone significant.
So, he's significant?
It's looking like it.
Any priors?
Marriages.
Married once. Divorced, no kids.
Okay, Elena, I really need to...
You're not done here.
Pets?
Mija, you're gonna have to bring that lamp back in the living room when we're done.
I'm aware of that.
Any pets?
None. He did have a dog who died last year.
- Aw. What was its name? - J.K. Howling.
Yikes.
Okay, last question.
How happy does Sam make you,
compared to Dad?
More than, less than, or equal to?
Elenita.
No one can compare to your dad.
They're so different.
This is new territory for me too.
I never thought that I'd be back here dating someone new again.
Yeah.
You sorta signed up for forever with that whole "till death do us part" thing.
Which Dad took way too literally.
That's for sure.
Look, I want you and Bobby to get to know Sam.
Maybe he can start coming by for breakfast on his way to work.
Let me evaluate your responses and get back to you.
During which event were the political labels...
Can we put on the game?
- The French Revolution. - The French Revolution.
- That is correct. - This is a game.
- Next, literature. What book... - Ooh, literature!
- ...was adapted into a movie in 1983? - The Outsiders.
The Outsiders.
- Hey, Mami? - The Outsiders is correct.
I think I can give Sam a shot.
Yes, that is correct.
All right, let's keep going to the rapid-fire...
I think...
you're gonna like him.
We'll see about that.
Well, Diary, I was skeptical of Sam.
Like I'm skeptical of gas station hot dogs.
With both, I have to ask,
"What's really inside?"
I was learning that maybe 40% of his stories were funny.
Better than Sasha's dad though, who holds steady at 10%.
And that's when I realized
bees can't live in Sedona.
You just...
And even though Sam's favorite musical is Brigadoon,
which is a musical about fog,
I had to admit, I kinda liked him.
Plus, he had a pretty good vocabulary.
So, how did your vocab test go, Elena?
Did you do an exemplary job?
I would say my performance on it was estimable.
Well, I'm elated to hear that.
I'm gonna e-shoot myself.
Roberto.
Bobby, you getting pumped for tennis tryouts tomorrow?
Sam, please.
I run the tryouts.
I am the tryouts.
We get it. You're the captain.
You're the greatest tennis player in the world.
Hey, I'm just finally in eighth grade now,
so I'm officially the best player in school.
Perhaps even the district. It's math.
That's not math.
Ay dios mio, not again.
Elenita, can you do your thing?
Elenita is our sink whisperer.
That's me.
Shh. No llores, no llores.
That oughta do it.
Yeah, till the next time it breaks.
Let me take a look at it.
I don't know. It's pretty tricky.
Oh, yeah. No, you just have to tighten this right here.
That should do it.
Voilà!
See, Elena? That's a sink whisperer.
Wait. The sink thing was my thing.
What was this guy doing?
Join the tennis team!
Become a Fighting Swansby.
I promise to lead our team to victory.
Dudes, we're finally on top.
No more older kids sticking their dirty underwear in my face.
Oh, Bobby. You're captain now. Nice.
Did you just get a "nice" from Monyca with a Y?
See, guys? It's happening.
The dream is real. Oh.
Nice forehand, dude.
Nice what?
- Forehand. Like in tennis. - You wanna try out for the team?
Hey, I don't know. Never played a real game or anything before.
Oh, that's cool.
At tryouts, you'll play me, and I'll adjust to your skill level.
- It'll be fun. - Yeah, sure. Why not?
Cool, uh... Liam.
Yeah.
- You'll be in group C. - Yeah.
Looking forward to seeing what you've got.
- Cool. - Cool.
- Cool, cool.
- Cool. - Coolio.
- Step right through. All right. - You're all right.
- Catch you later. All right. - Yeah.
Join the tennis team!
Our captain, Bobby, will adjust to your skill level.
Psst.
Wow. Dating in the public eye.
I promise not to let fame change me.
I knew telling the office would be a thing, but it's been a week.
They need to get a grip.
You know, Cami, you were right.
I shoulda known. When he waited for her during the fire drill.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Quit your gabbing. Pay up.
Camila. Do you wanna come in here and explain.
Yeah, I took bets with everyone on whether you and Sam were a couple.
But you knew we were a couple.
I have bills to pay.
Hey, Sabi.
Trying out a couple name.
What is it, Craig?
I'm putting in the lunch order, and there's no number seven.
- What do you want instead? - There's always a seven.
I just talked to Esteban. That sandwich is off the menu,
but his new EP is very much for sale.
So what, the seven is just gone?
I'm sorry, Gab. I know you loved that sandwich.
You guys are precious.
I am so Team Gam.
That's the other name I was trying out.
Okay, let me know what you want instead.
He fixed the sink?
I know.
Oh, my goddess.
- But you're the sink whisperer. - Exactly.
I'm not gonna lie, Sash, it doesn't feel great.
Sam encroaching on my family contributions.
This reminds me of an episode of Broomsbriar Academy
where Calassandra was totally replaced as coven chancellor
by this new witch, Lucindissa.
But Calassandra's been chancellor since season 12.
Yeah, but Lucindissa had these really cool love spells
and a designer broom from Dark Jacobs.
What happened to Calassandra?
She got kicked out of the coven, and now she works at a Halloween store.
Not that that's gonna happen to you.
Your family needs you.
Maybe my family just needs a reminder.
Of, you know,
- how much I bring to the table. - Mm-hmm.
Diary, it was time to step up my game
and show my family who the real coven chancellor was.
Step one, to solidify my role in the family was breakfast.
Usually, it's tostadas a la Mami
but today, it was gonna be doughnuts a la me.
A guaranteed hit.
No, thank you. I'd like a dozen doughnuts, please.
Good thing I speak fluent drive-through.
That speaker's been broken
ever since Dad first took me to get doughnuts at Miami Glaze forever ago.
- Some things never change. - Hi.
- There you go. - Thank you.
Atención familia, I brought sweet treats.
Oh, Sam came by and made eggs.
My famous Sambled eggs with bacon and cheese.
Pretty much the only thing I know how to cook.
I made you a plate.
I brought doughnuts,
so... I'm good.
Well, doughnuts already have eggs in them.
So, you could say that they are "eggcellent."
Eggs and doughnuts. Where am I?
A hotel buffet?
Bobby. You have tryouts today.
Don't you wanna carbo-load?
Those are simple carbs, Elena.
I need complex carbs.
What, do you want me to crash?
Hit me with some more of those Sambled eggs.
Coming in hot, Bobby.
Okay, so my doughnut plan is foiled.
But I had a plan B.
Actually, more like a plan A plus.
So, Bobby, I outlined your To Kill a Mockingbird paper last night.
Heads up. You know the word "pernicious" now.
That's okay. Sam actually helped me with that.
Sam what?
Yeah, he saw me reading and got really excited.
Was like, "I fancy myself an Atticus," or whatever.
I guess because he's a lawyer?
Ooh, did you know the mockingbird is a metaphor for innocence?
Of course.
Yeah, so I'm set for now.
Sam's pretty cool.
I mean, who does he think he is?
Coming into our house, taking control of breakfast,
helping Bobby with his paper.
What's next? Is my mom gonna frame his spelling bee certificates?
Can you believe Anthony?
I couldn't even.
Oh, my God, totally. Neither could I.
Do you remember when Jessie used to be our best friend?
Before we were completely and utterly replaced?
And for, like, no reason.
One minute, we're best friends
and the next, as Calassandra would say, "poof."
There has to be a reason.
Well, I'm having a hard time understanding
why you can't just reallocate certain materials. Huh?
Yeah, yeah, like the chicken from number three,
the cilantro from ten and the cheese from two, four, or five.
Yes, the chicken from number three.
Gabi's pretty upset about that sandwich, huh?
Yeah, one thing you should know about Gabi is that she...
Cares deeply. That's one of the things I love about her.
What do you mean nobody ordered it?
I'm not nobody. You're nobody.
And she also cares loudly.
Listen, I've been there for her through many a sandwich crisis.
If you find this endearing, I leave the honor to you.
Go to her.
All right, next up, group C. Liam?
You heard him, boys. Next up is group C. Let's go, Liam.
All right, Bobby. Good captaining.
How about this? How about I coach, and you play?
- Right. Yeah. - Yeah, Bobby.
- Yeah, Bobby! - Whoo-hoo! Whoo!
Okay, dude. I'll go easy on you.
Lucky first serve.
What happened?
Game point.
- Dude. - Dude.
Hey, wh... Are you okay?
Yeah, obviously.
I thought you said you've never played tennis before.
Well, I haven't.
Just volleys with my grandma and her friends at their retirement complex.
So, old people?
Yeah. They're not really good at hitting it back,
so I guess my serve has gotten really good.
Yeah, your serve's amazing.
Sorry, it is.
Hey, nice job, Liam.
Make sure you give Cody your uniform size.
Hey, looks like you're a Fighting Swansby.
Why don't you join us tonight for the, uh, kickoff party?
Kickoff party?
Yeah, it's at the cafetorium.
8:00 p.m. on the dot.
Oh, and wear a suit. It's a formal party type thing.
Sounds cool. I'll see you there.
Uh, dude, what's going on?
Yeah, this is giving me major underwear-in-my-face vibes.
Guys, come on.
I'm just thinking a little water balloon ambush.
The new kid's gotta learn his place, that's all.
Hello, Jessica.
Why are you so obsessed with me?
I just have a question.
When you suddenly dropped us for Melissa...
I'm so over talking about this.
We have an understanding, remember?
What was it about me that made me so replaceable?
- Do you really wanna know? - Yeah, I can take it.
I mean, Melissa's better at doing makeup than you.
You don't even wear makeup.
And she's so good at doing beachy waves.
She knows what boys are single... and she's cooler than you.
Sorry to say that, but it's true.
She has a trundle bed. And a pool...
Okay, got it.
But why couldn't you also be friends with me?
What about the second F in "BFF"?
Elena, there's no such thing as forever.
People move on. Things change.
Whatever. Are we done?
We're done. Thanks, Jessie.
I mean, Jessica.
Sam, are you coming?
Miriam is about to knock Carlos out with a triple busterama.
What's all this? Oh, God.
Is Bobby's tennis team coming over? 'Cause that's not enough food.
Well, Esteban wouldn't budge on the number seven
or for making me listen to track three of his new EP,
which by the way, is a banger.
So, I thought I'd set up a little taste test
to find your new favorite sandwich.
Sam, that's crazy.
And if none of these options are to your liking,
I have collected takeout menus that deliver to our office.
And circled options reminiscent of the number seven.
Consider me your Sam-wich Sam-melier.
Sam, this is too much.
My girl's gotta have lunch.
Now, may I recommend the oft overlooked...
number nine.
So, Diary, now I knew why Jessica replaced me,
but that can never happen with my family.
Uh, literature.
Or, so I thought.
- Things Fall Apart. - Nice.
Diary, that was it.
Okay, I've had it! Literature is my category!
Elenita, what's wrong?
You say you can help me.
I'd like to return these doughnuts.
There are a few missing, but nobody wanted the rest.
Just like nobody wants me.
What's your return policy?
What else do you need, Lenny?
Wait, did you just call me "Lenny"?
Nobody calls me Lenny except my dad.
Dad?
After you died...
everything was all mixed-up.
Mami cried a lot.
Bobby got that "Keep Out" sign for his room.
I didn't know what was gonna happen...
but then I guess we learned who we were...
without you.
Now things are changing... again.
And I hate having no idea what the future looks like.
You know I'm a planner, Dad. And this Sam thing is...
I don't know what it is.
And that...
kinda freaks me out.
Hello?
Go to the second window, please.
Elenita!
You can't just run off like that.
Bobby, how were tennis tryouts? You find some new talent?
No one that memorable.
That's a cool racket. It's old-school.
Yeah. It was my dad's.
Uh...
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...
Oh, nah, it's... It's chill.
Okay. Cool.
Thanks.
Never really know what's chill and what's not. You know?
I think I upset your sister.
She took one look at me and ran out the door.
Your mom's out looking for her.
It's not you. She's so dramatic.
Well, coming into a new situation, you don't always know the rules.
How was English today? You do any TKAMB?
To Kill a Mockingbird?
Oh, yeah. I, uh...
I said the thing about the mockingbird meaning innocence,
and my teacher was like,
"Whoa, I didn't know what your voice sounded like."
That's great.
Yeah, well, thanks for making me look good.
Yeah. Thanks for making the new guy feel welcome.
Cool kickoff party.
I'd hit up the sushi bar before the line gets too long.
Dude, this, um... This wasn't cool of me.
Ya think?
It's just, I worked for years to get really good.
You know, to be captain.
And then I come along, and I might actually be better than you.
Whoa, it was just one match.
But, yeah, kind of.
Which is dumb.
Look, I'm really sorry.
Yo, whatever, dude. So, what was the plan?
Just see how long I'd wait here alone for a party?
Well, we were also gonna throw water balloons at you.
But, yeah, this is a nice suit.
So, you probably don't wanna ruin it with a rematch, huh?
And miss the chance to kick your ass again?
- You bring your racket? - No, I thought I was going to a party.
Oh, yeah.
That's okay. There are extras on the courts.
- And balls. - Cool.
Kinda love playing at night, you know what I'm saying?
Oh, no.
I deserve this.
Well, I don't.
Elenita, no one could ever replace you.
Not Sam. Not anyone.
I know it's stupid.
It's how I've been feeling.
I was finally getting used to it just being the three of us and now...
All of a sudden things are changing.
Yeah.
I don't know. Kinda miss the old us.
Ay, mi amor.
I think you might be grieving.
No...
When Dad died, I went through all the stages of grief.
I marked them on a checklist and everything.
No, grief happens whenever there's changes.
Good or bad. It's like the thing with you and Jessie.
It's Jessica now.
And yeah, guess I'm grieving that too.
And with Sam, I think that you're feeling a different type of loss.
Of how things used to be.
So, grief isn't just about death?
Mm.
It can happen whenever there's changes
and we're scared of what might be next.
So, what is next?
Are you in love? Are you gonna get married?
Would I be the flower girl...
or the maid of honor?
Oh, I know you're a planner,
but there's so many things that I just don't know.
And Sam doesn't have to make breakfast
if you want that to be your thing.
I mean, I'm not mad at hickory-smoked bacon.
Just some advance notice would have been nice.
Advance notice it is.
Oh, by the way,
Esteban took away the number seven from the lunch menu.
- Oh, no. - Mm-hmm.
I'm sorry for your loss.
So, Diary, grief is the unknown...
and all the change that comes with it.
Change is figuring out the new normal.
Change might surprise you.
Literature, Elena.
Easy. Brave New World.
And when the change is really big...
I'm lucky I don't have to face it alone.